Attack of the Slumpbuster

[mattinctown]

Ok, so I had an interesting night tonight. I was talking today with my friend Mike about how it's been awhile since I have had sex, I'm about to go start trolling Craigslist. Anyway, that's what I did. Found a 25-year old girl that seemed like she wasn't a spambot, under W4M dating, and messaged her. She was 5'1, 100 pounds, bisexual, and just got out of a relationship. She said she was on an online dating site I am also on, so I found her profile and picture. Also read that she is into the Kama Sutra. Profile said she wasn't looking for a hookup, but then I noticed on one of the quiz questions, she expects to have sex with someone between 1-2 dates.

Started IM'ing her, and asked if she wanted to get together. She told me the last two guys on Craigslist she met said they wanted to go out again, then stood her up.
We exchanged phone numbers, then I told her where to meet and what time, I was going to go shower and get ready. Got out of the shower and I had THREE missed phone calls, a picture message, and voicemail. The message said "I talked to my parents, and they said it's OK if I go out." Took off for the meeting place, she texted me saying she was there, so I texted back saying I would be there in 10 minutes. Five minutes later she calls and asks where I am :)

So we meet up, she starts talking, and immediately I can tell she doesn't have it all upstairs. However, she's not that bad to look at. She tells me she has slight autism, then says "I was wondering if you were the same way?" HUH???? This girl is asking me if I'm mentally disabled, five minutes into meeting. I said "Do I seem like I do?" I asked her where she works, she tells me she works at Lowe's, watering the plants.

She then gives me a hug, and says she is moving back to Rhode Island in October, will I come visit her? She then says "Do you want to go back to your place?" So I say ok. We get in my car, and she says "So how is your health??" We get to my place, I just want to get this over with, then she asks if I want to try a Kama Sutra position. Of course I say Yes.

We do the deed, then I go to the bathroom and she follows me in, and says "I wanted to help you." WHAT?? You want to help me take a piss?? Then her fucking Dad calls her and she tells him she's on the way home.

Anyway, she starts asking how much do I like her, do I want to meet her parents, etc.... So I drive her to her parents house, park about two houses away so they can't see my car, and drop her off. The whole time we are together, I'm laughing my ass off inside my head and can't wait to share this story.

Probably shouldn't have done it, but hey, she knew the Kama Sutra......

[Fab1b]

Ok first this girl is mental, 2nd are you sure she was at least 18??? WTF is this! Funny though I do agree.

[mattinctown]

Yeah, she was 25 years old, almost 26 even :) On the drive to her place, she said "what did you like most about the love making??" I should have said, "that you're about to get out of my car."

[Fly4Fun]

Ummmmm, wtf mate?

[stroups]

So you fucked a retard????

[iclfan2]

Haha so you had sex with a mentally handicapped girl, that is 25 and lives with her parents.

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/68/cool_story_bro.jpg

[Fly4Fun]

I believe it's "ra-tard".

[Fab1b]

Post the link to this chick's craigslist ad so we can see what you did!

And no I'm not interested in hitting it but I feel the need to see this!

[enigmaax]

Damn.fucking.yeah.

That kinda shit is why I LOVE the internet.

But....ummmm....not to be mean, but you kinda just screwed a retard? I mean, that might not really be that cool.

EDIT: Clearly we were all thinking the same thing. I just had to re-read your post a couple times before I could grasp it.

[Little Danny]

I hear the girl you banged placed 3rd in the Long Jump over at the Olympics....

unfortunately, it was not the the one just held in China.

[-Society-]

I believe it's "ra-tard".

Really?


1. ratard
means the same as the word retard but makes you sound stupid saying it.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ratard

[wildcats20]

Really?


http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ratard

Never seen The Hangover apparently.

[-Society-]

Never seen The Hangover apparently.

Nope. Care to fill me in?

[wildcats20]

Nope. Care to fill me in?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoendYt_ZJ0

[-Society-]

I was kidding. Apparently you haven't noticed.

[Trueblue23]

Probably just told her there were ghosts in her panties, she dropped em pretty damn quick.

[Sonofanump]

Sometimes it's hard to tell...

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.tvsquad.com/media/2005/11/jasonbateman_charlizetheron_arresteddevelopment_24 0.jpg

[Cat Food Flambe']

Call us in three weeks when the sores appear....

[ts1227]

If we had a Hall of Fame, this thread would be a charter member.

[Glory Days]

haha yeah, something isnt right here. thats too easy of a hook up even for SQ Crazies.

[gerb131]

All I wanna know is can I get the job at Lowes watering plants when she moves?

[like_that]

Sometimes it's hard to tell...

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.tvsquad.com/media/2005/11/jasonbateman_charlizetheron_arresteddevelopment_24 0.jpg

Exactly what I was thinking.

[sjmvsfscs08]

I want to know zwick's opinion, he's the resident pimp.

[Apple]

So when is round 2... tomorrow?

[gut]

Haha so you had sex with a mentally handicapped girl, that is 25 and lives with her parents.

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/68/cool_story_bro.jpg

This post is GOAT

[gut]

As soon as a 25-yr old says "my parents said it's ok to go out" you should have immediately run because she's either a drug addict, psychotic, or I guess in this case mentally handicapped.

[Glory Days]

oh and another thing, can we get her number when you are done?

[cbus4life]

Total BS.

[Def Leopard]

You better pray, I mean get down on your knees and pray this young lady's father doesn't find out about you. This has happened before and yes she has some issues, one of which she tells her parents EVERYTHING. I know of one time some classless fool took advantage of her, and lets just say he will think twice before doing it to again. I'd be checking over my shoulder for a while just to be safe.

[gorocks99]

^^ so you know said craigslist girl? Do tell. This story is making my morning.

[mcburg93]

lol this is the best ever. I say go to her profile and get pics or it didnt happen.

[THE4RINGZ]

I have a feeling this is just the begining of the story. Depending on the degree of her mental disability this could get ugly.

[Def Leopard]

One other item I forgot to mention, you should probably make an appointment with the local GP. You weren't her first.

[OneBuckeye]

One other item I forgot to mention, you should probably make an appointment with the local GP. You weren't her first.

O'RLY? I bet Mattinctown thought he was. Anyone with time needs to go on craigslist and dig up the profile. Volunteers?

[gut]

One other item I forgot to mention, you should probably make an appointment with the local GP. You weren't her first.

He and half a dozen other guys will be on Springer in a year for the paternity test.

[gerb131]

A hookup like that I hope he used his condomsense.

[karen lotz]

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/w4m/1910071472.html

???

[karen lotz]

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/w4m/1904279023.html









5'6 250lbs.. I am sexy and I do have pics

http://www.dailyhaggis.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/o_rly.jpg

[THE4RINGZ]

Could she at least count to potatoe?

[Heretic]

I don't think I've ever been happier after clicking on a thread than I am now. This is the Cool Story, Bro to end all cool stories told by bros.

My kudos to you!!!

[BigAppleBuckeye]

She tells me she has slight autism

Dude, can I borrow her??!! I am headed to Vegas tonight and she would be pure gold at the blackjack table!

http://blakepoutra.com/images/rain_man_casino.jpg

[THE4RINGZ]

"He might not seem very bright, but you drop a box of toothpicks in front of him and you'll find out just how smart he really is."

Hank Hill

[enigmaax]

Damn, does this mean I have to reserve use of the term "fucktard" for matt?

[Def Leopard]

Damn, does this mean I have to reserve use of the term "fucktard" for matt?

No, deperate, asshole should work just fine.

[mattinctown]

Just an FYI guys, I totally made this story up, see what I did there?????????????????????????? :) I might be stupid at times, but not THAT stupid!

[derek bomar]

Just an FYI guys, I totally made this story up, see what I did there?????????????????????????? :) I might be stupid at times, but not THAT stupid!

I hate you

[gorocks99]

http://i299.photobucket.com/albums/mm315/Kyojen88/orly-1.gif

[THE4RINGZ]

Just an FYI guys, I totally made this story up, see what I did there?????????????????????????? :) I might be stupid at times, but not THAT stupid!

Nice try at a cover up.

FAIL

[mattinctown]

Ok don't believe me, not my problem

[GoChiefs]

Nice try at a cover up.

FAIL

Yep.

[j_crazy]

Ok, so I had an interesting night tonight. I was talking today with my friend Mike about how it's been awhile since I have had sex, I'm about to go start trolling Craigslist. Anyway, that's what I did. Found a 25-year old girl that seemed like she wasn't a spambot, under W4M dating, and messaged her. She was 5'1, 100 pounds, bisexual, and just got out of a relationship. She said she was on an online dating site I am also on, so I found her profile and picture. Also read that she is into the Kama Sutra. Profile said she wasn't looking for a hookup, but then I noticed on one of the quiz questions, she expects to have sex with someone between 1-2 dates.

Started IM'ing her, and asked if she wanted to get together. She told me the last two guys on Craigslist she met said they wanted to go out again, then stood her up.
We exchanged phone numbers, then I told her where to meet and what time, I was going to go shower and get ready. Got out of the shower and I had THREE missed phone calls, a picture message, and voicemail. The message said "I talked to my parents, and they said it's OK if I go out." Took off for the meeting place, she texted me saying she was there, so I texted back saying I would be there in 10 minutes. Five minutes later she calls and asks where I am :)

So we meet up, she starts talking, and immediately I can tell she doesn't have it all upstairs. However, she's not that bad to look at. She tells me she has slight autism, then says "I was wondering if you were the same way?" HUH???? This girl is asking me if I'm mentally disabled, five minutes into meeting. I said "Do I seem like I do?" I asked her where she works, she tells me she works at Lowe's, watering the plants.

She then gives me a hug, and says she is moving back to Rhode Island in October, will I come visit her? She then says "Do you want to go back to your place?" So I say ok. We get in my car, and she says "So how is your health??" We get to my place, I just want to get this over with, then she asks if I want to try a Kama Sutra position. Of course I say Yes.

We do the deed, then I go to the bathroom and she follows me in, and says "I wanted to help you." WHAT?? You want to help me take a piss?? Then her fucking Dad calls her and she tells him she's on the way home.

Anyway, she starts asking how much do I like her, do I want to meet her parents, etc.... So I drive her to her parents house, park about two houses away so they can't see my car, and drop her off. The whole time we are together, I'm laughing my ass off inside my head and can't wait to share this story.

Probably shouldn't have done it, but hey, she knew the Kama Sutra......

http://kontraband.se/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/clapping.gif


Just an FYI guys, I totally made this story up, see what I did there?????????????????????????? :) I might be stupid at times, but not THAT stupid!
http://www.steamingblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/30iulae.gif

[Def Leopard]

Ok don't believe me, not my problem

I know who your problem is, and it appears you weren't as discreet as you thought when you dropped off your little conquest.

[Heretic]

Just an FYI guys, I totally made this story up, see what I did there?????????????????????????? :) I might be stupid at times, but not THAT stupid!

Maybe, maybe not...but we're just going to go ahead and pretend you never tried to say this, as all this post does is attempt to take the awesomeness out of the scenario.

[enigmaax]

So now the question is which is worse, fucking a retard or lying about fucking a retard. Either way, you are pretty much a loser.

[Fab1b]

Whether you did or didn't who knows but you, however you were probably just better off allowing everyone here to think you did instead of stating you just made it up!

[Murdski99]

get you some pimp......i bet retards suck a mean dick :D

[Cat Food Flambe']

Reminds me of a classic piece in National Lampoon back in the Seventies: "Good Sex With Retarded Girls". I can't bring myself to post the illustration... :)

[2kool4skool]

I'm curious about what this Def Leopard guy's deal is. Do you know the girl/her family? If so, this went from funny to hilarious real quick.

[Fab1b]

Def Leopard guy will pour some sugar on it!!

[ccrunner609]

I would of backdoored her then gave her a Dirty Sanchez.

[enigmaax]

I'm curious about what this Def Leopard guy's deal is. Do you know the girl/her family? If so, this went from funny to hilarious real quick.

Yeah, he's acting like someone nailed HIS retarded sister or something. I'm picturing Doug from 50 First Dates.

[sjmvsfscs08]

Def Leopad better put up or shut up. This beating around the bush is minor league. :D

Also, is ctown in the UK?

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/man-jailed-for-sex-with-autistic-girl-1951645.html

[SportsAndLady]

You fucked a girl you found on Craigslist whose job is to water plants at Lowes.....

[Heelz]

get you some pimp......i bet retards suck a mean dick :D

HAHA wow ,this made me lol.

Did you do her best friend yet?

[Def Leopard]

Def Leopad better put up or shut up. This beating around the bush is minor league. :D

Also, is ctown in the UK?

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/man-jailed-for-sex-with-autistic-girl-1951645.html

What do you mean put up or shut up? It's not my thread. Just adding to it as anyone else would with what I've heard.[

[SportsAndLady]

What do you mean put up or shut up? It's not my thread. Just adding to it as anyone else would with what I've heard.[

Do you know this broad? Do you have a picture of her? Are you real?

[sleeper]

This only became "made-up" when he got backlash for boning a handicapped chick. I mean a slumpbuster is one thing, but taking advantage of a person with a handicap is just wrong, and you can take that to the bank.

[Def Leopard]

Do you know this broad? Do you have a picture of her? Are you real?

First of all, she's not a broad, she is a young woman, second, I don't keep a portfolio of womens pictures so I don't have a picture of her. If I did I certainly wouldn't post it here so you could make fun of her. And lastly, yes I'm real, I do see my image in the mirror.

[Trueblue23]

This thread is great.

First Matt brags about banging a tard, is ripped for it (who saw that coming?!), and now is getting all defensive about it.

Poster child for abortion right there.

[Trueblue23]

I also can't believe some people actually use these online sites to get dates/sex.

Matt are you a pathetic soul indeed.

[SportsAndLady]

First of all, she's not a broad, she is a young woman, second, I don't keep a portfolio of womens pictures so I don't have a picture of her. If I did I certainly wouldn't post it here so you could make fun of her. And lastly, yes I'm real, I do see my image in the mirror.

To paraphrase a quote from Role Models, "you white, you ben affleck" .....you a chick, you a broad.

I am not asking for you to give us her portfolio (???) of pictures...maybe just the link to her craiglist page (lol) so we can see what this slightly autistic slumpbuster looks like?

[Def Leopard]

^^^^^
Why don't you just whack off to mom and dad's last issue of national Geographic?

[Fly4Fun]

I'm not buyin Def Leopard's claim here...

What are the chances that he is also in the same area of NC and happens to know the female. This is an Ohio based site... I'm not buying it.

[SportsAndLady]

^^^^^
Why don't you just whack off to mom and dad's last issue of national Geographic?

Soooooo....the link....

[Def Leopard]

Why is it my responsibility to provide a link to this woman. I don't scan craigslist for dates and as I said before, if I knew I wouldn't provide it here. It has been proven that some of you have no moral character and would make life miserable for her. If that link is so important to you I think you may be dealing with some issues also.

[SportsAndLady]

No I just wanna laugh

[Def Leopard]

At someone elses expense. You just define class don't you.

[Glory Days]

At someone elses expense. You just define class don't you.

you mean like how you went and told this "story" to the forum laughing at "her" expense?

[darbypitcher22]

you banged a tardy girl... something tells me you booked a shotgun seat to hell

[#1DBag]

*bang bang bang*

[Def Leopard]

you mean like how you went and told this "story" to the forum laughing at "her" expense?

Hey dumbass, I didn't start this thread. This one is compliments of mattinctown. I was just letting him know that someones father may be after his desperate ass.

[Art Modell]

I think the ratard is Def Leopard's sister and he's pissed off because he thought that he was the only one banging it.hahaha

[Ty Webb]

Haha

[-Society-]

This thread is great.

First Matt brags about banging a tard, is ripped for it (who saw that coming?!), and now is getting all defensive about it.

Poster child for abortion right there.

Classic post by a mod. Do you want others to rip on your mom?

[justincredible]

Closing this thread since the OP has asked to have his profile deleted.